It’s always something new every day when in a marriage

• After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, ‘You know, I was a fool when I married you.’

The husband replied, ‘Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.’

• A husband said to his wife, ‘No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.’

• A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

• My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

• A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

•The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don’t mature.

So you might as well marry a younger one.

• A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

• Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

• “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”

• I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburetor’. I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’.

• Marriage is mind over matter; if the husband doesn’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

• Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

• My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

• There are two times a man doesn’t understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!