Love and marriage

• After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, ‘You know, I was a fool when I married you.’ The husband replied, ‘Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.’

• A husband said to his wife, ‘No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.’

• A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

• My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

• A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

• The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature.

• The new theory is that men don’t mature.

So you might as well marry a younger one.

• A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

• Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

• “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”

• I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburetor.’

I said, ‘Where’s the car?’

She said, ‘In the lake.’

• Marriage is mind over matter; if the husband doesn’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

• Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

• My wife submits, and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

• There are two times a man doesn’t understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage!