Remember these humorous gems

• When does a joke become a “dad” joke?

When the punchline is a parent.

• Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

• Why don’t ants ever get sick?

Because they have little anty bodies.

• Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

• What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

You think it’s R, but it be the C.

• Which bird has the worst manners?

Mocking birds.

• What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

• I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.

I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

• What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, bud!

• How does NASA organize a party?

They planet.

• How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles.

• What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

• Why were they called the Dark Ages?

Because there were lots of knights.

• Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

The don’t meet the koalafications.

• What did one toilet say to the other?

You look flushed.

• It was so cold in D.C. today.

That I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

• Is this pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

• What did the nose say to the finger?

Quit picking on me!

• My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, “Just you wait!”

• I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

• What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away.

• What do you call a pile of kittens?

A meowntain.

• Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.