Some cat jokes that are groomed to purr-fection
What did the alien say to the cat? “Take me to your litter.”
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Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
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What is a cat’s way of keeping law and order? Claw Enforcement.
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Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
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What sports do cats play? Hairball.
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How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.
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A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a Siberian Lynx in the front seat.
“What are you doing with that Siberian Lynx?” he exclaimed. “You should take it to the zoo.”
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the cat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
“I thought you were going to take that cat to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”
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What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
“Let us prey.”
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How do cats get over a fight? They hiss and make up.
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Why was the cat so small? Because it only drank condensed milk!
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What is smarter than a talking cat?
A spelling bee!
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What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
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Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
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What’s a cat’s favorite button on the TV remote?
Paws.
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What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
Frostbite!
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Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
The retail store!
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Have you ever seen a catfish? No. How do they hold the rod and reel?
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A man walks into a bar with a cat and dog. They all sit down and the bartender says “What can I get you?”
The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says I’ll take a Vodka, the guy will take a water, and the cat will take a Scotch.”
The bartender, in shocks, says to the dog, “This is AMAZING! You’re a dog that can talk…”
The guy looks at the bartender, and says, “Don’t be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist.”
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I saw a neighbor talking to her cat today, it was hilarious that she thought her cat could understand her.
I went home and told my dog.