You know you’re getting old ...
1. ... When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
2. ...When your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
3. ...When a sexy woman catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
4. ...When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
5. ...When your wife says, “Let’s go upstairs and make some romance” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”
6. ... When going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
7. ... When you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
8. ... When, let’s face it, traveling just isn’t as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are.
9. ... When you and your teeth don’t sleep together. 10. ... When your back goes out, but you stay home. 11. ... When you wake up, looking like your driver’s license picture.
12. ... When it takes two tries to get up from the couch.
13. ... When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
14. ... When Happy hour is a nap.
15. ... When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there. 16. ... When your idea of weight lifting is standing up 17. ... When tt takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
18. ... When your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
19. ... When the pharmacist has become your new best friend.
20. ... When it takes twice as long to look half as good.
21. ... When the twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
22. ... When you look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
23. ... When you get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.
24. ... When you give up all your bad habits and you still don’t feel good.
25. ... When you have more patience; but actually, it’s just that you don’t care any more.
26. ... When you sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.