Advance lands first ‘legit’ interview with space alien
With one of Elon Musk’s SpaceX launching pads not 80 miles east, at Boca Chica, not to mention NASA’s recent trip to the moon and back, it’s easy to see why so many of us have space on the mind.
On top of that, the Trump Administration released a third stack of UFO declassified and historical files June 12, since rebranded UAP (Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena).
This initiative, known as the Presidential Unsealing and Reporting System for UAP Encounters (PURSUE), follows two previous batch releases, May 8 and the 22nd.
Meanwhile, out promoting his new film, Disclosure Day, a science fiction action movie about extraterrestrial life, director Steven Spielberg had this to say about space aliens:
“I absolutely think they have been here, and they are here.” (Source: CBS News.)
Which is the perfect segue into the interview published below.
The Alien Interview
While other media outlets will describe it as “Fake News,” the space alien we spoke to late last month said as much when we finally sat down to talk — “No one is going to believe this interview is real, so what I have to say really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. But you should be warned, Planet Earth, the U.S., Texas, Hidalgo County, the Rio Grande Valley are about to be invaded.”
The space alien spoke for approximately an hour before it had to split the scene.
Turns out, as expected, many of our elected officials in D.C. are already “alien plants,” although my source declined to name them.
“Let’s just say they make up the majority of both political parties. When people say, ‘These politicians don’t seem normal,’ that is because they aren’t really human.”
Also, according to my newfound source, the space aliens have even entrenched themselves in lower branches of government, which include state, county, municipal, school boards. A few Planning and Zoning here and there.
Meaning, when you see something that “just doesn’t look quite right,” that’s because it probably isn’t.
“We like to create chaos among humans,” said my alien interviewee.
So many questions; so little time.
“I only have about 60 minutes to fill you and your readers in on what’s about to take place before I’m going to be missed.”
Missed? From where?
“The giant cloaked alien spacecraft hovering above planet Earth. Currently, I run the kitchen. So many hungry mouths to feed, that sort of thing. Just promise that you will protect my identity.”
We don’t even know your name.
“Let’s just leave it that way. You can call me ET2. And by the way, the only reason I decided to talk to you is that I have a little human DNA in me. My great-great-great grandfather, who was molded in the form of a man back in 1890, had this thing for this beautiful actress, well, never mind.”
For the sake of this interview, we will just refer to him/her as “Space Alien,” since he/she made it clear that they are of one gender.
“We don’t need a partner to replicate. Which seems to be a big problem with humans — sex.”
So, with the alien’s urging, we turned on the recording and got down to business since The Advance only had 60 minutes to dig into this space alien story:
Advance News Journal (ANJ): So why now?
Space Alien: “Why now what?”
ANJ: You seeking me out, wanting to sit down for an interview. Reveal that there really are space aliens living among us? This is huge.
Space Alien: “Like I said, no one is going to believe this interview actually came from a space alien interviewed by a weekly newspaper in South Texas. The New York Times, for example, would rather interview an alien disguised as a human than an actual space alien, but so be it.
“What I wanted to do, though, is at least try and warn human beings that they face an existential threat, and it’s not from AI. But rather, the threat comes from my race of aliens who thinks little of the human race. Hopefully this interview will go viral. You never know.”
ANJ: Why does your race think so little of us?
Space Alien: “Do you really have to ask? I mean, just look around at the state of the world. You’re always fighting among yourselves. Backstabbing each other to death. Often, for the most trivial of things. And that’s really without us having to escalate the fighting. Your race seems to thrive on drama, screwing each other over.
“You’re like a walking, talking novella.”
ANJ: Still, it’s a legitimate question.
Space Alien: “Where I come from, for one thing, tribalism doesn’t exist. In other words, we are one race of people, much like human beings who all bleed red, no matter the color of your skin. We all pull together for the betterment of us all.
“Yet, you humans spend most of your time either fighting among yourselves or fighting some other country, some other tribe, so to speak. You plant a flag, claim sovereignty, and then fight anyone who looks at you the wrong way. You are controlled by us, disguised as humans, but you don’t even know it. And the only reason we step in, is so the entire world doesn’t get entirely out of hand. Especially in this age of nuclear weapons, although the Strait of Hormuz clearly shows that you don’t need a nuke to win a war.
“In other words, the way I understand it, when we finally do launch a full-blown attack, we want something left, as opposed to a nuclear winter, which is never pretty. Seen it before on at least three other planets where the end result is catastrophic global climate change which is uninhabitable to my race, and we can survive almost anything. And that includes binge-watching “The View.”
ANJ: How long has your race been hanging around planet Earth?
Space Alien: “You really think humans were smart enough to build the pyramids in Egypt, Latin America? Seriously? Before that, I’m not even sure. Our history books only go back so far.”
ANJ: Why didn’t you just take over the planet long ago if, as you say, you possess far superior weapons of mass destruction.
Space Alien: “I don’t gamble, but a lot of my race, that’s all they like to do, gamble. And humans create the greatest gamble. We help push one of you in motion, and then we bet to see how it plays out.”
ANJ: That’s all we are to you? Chess pieces?
Space Alien: “No, I’d say it’s more like a cock fight. Human beings really are a funny race of people. Not as funny as the ones who used to live on Jupiter back when it had air, water, but almost. Man, that brings back memories.”
ANJ: So how much longer do we have until your people invade the planet?
Space Alien: “Not exactly sure. There is only so much a creature of my rank is privy to, but I’d guess sometime around the midterms.”
ANJ: Anything we can do in hopes of surviving the space alien attack?
Space Alien: “Band together as one race, but as history has shown, that’s never going to happen. So I’d go out and enjoy the little time you have left. November is right around the corner.”