Death to Leaf Blowers

Death to gas-powered leaf blowers. The machines, not those who operate them.

Just collect them all in one giant pile and crush them.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then consider yourself lucky.

They are, to put it mildly, the one piece of outdoor equipment that can almost turn me homicidal, and that’s on a good day.

Guaranteed, too, that on this newspaper’s deadline day, there will be one operating outside my home-office door, and I can’t work, thanks to the leaf blower.

It sounds like it’s not two feet from my desk, but I go outside, and the guy operating it is three doors down. Sometimes more.

Turns out, according to the Noise & Health Committee at the American Health Association, the leaf blower sound is low frequency, which means it penetrates walls.

So that’s why they always sound so close. Low frequency.

Has to be one of the absolute most annoying sounds known to mankind.

Upon further investigation, it’s not just me that has a problem with them.

Some states and cities have banned them outright.

Unfortunately, Texas isn’t one of them.

NNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

And on and on they go.

Do an online search for “Leaf Blowers,” and the comments are all over the place: Most annoying sound in the world.”

Or, “Leaf Blowers are an evil combination of loud and intrusive.”

Movement to Ban

Actually, there is a national organization called Quiet Clean PDX, a grassroots organization that’s part of a growing movement to ban these obnoxious machines. Already, more than 100 U.S. cities have banned gas-powered leaf blowers.

In an article in The Atlantic, former Jimmy Carter speechwriter James Fallows had this to say about this scourge on mankind (intentional hyperbole):

“Low-frequency noise has a great penetrating power: It goes through walls, cement barriers, and many kinds of hearing-protection devices,” writes Fallows. The upshot is that even if crews are wearing ear protection, they’ll likely suffer hearing loss after long-term repeated use. (Source: ReasonsToBeCheerful.World.)

In Washington D.C., where crackheads come and go, there is now a ban in place against gas-powered leaf blowers. It’s illegal to use them and to sell them in D.C. stores.

People might say this is government overreach, but these same people, for whatever reason, have probably escaped the noise these machines can produce by most likely living in expensive high-rise condos.

Please, just use a rake.

Or, an electric blower.

In fact, Dallas is currently offering rebates or trade-in programs for quieter, less obtrusive and less polluting electric blowers, which helps diminish the cost of switching from gas to electric. There are also electric weed eaters that hardly create a sound, with an easy hand-held battery to swap in and out if you run out of juice.

Granted, people like me, sorry if you are, so far, look down at electric vehicles because they still use up a lot of energy to charge car and truck batteries. So how is this scenario any different?

Granted, these same batteries need charging. The ones that power leaf blowers, lawnmowers, weed eaters, mulchers, however, are in a class all by themselves. Close to noiseless, and for the relatively low prices they carry, switching over really isn’t a question.

Unlike the old electric lawnmowers, these don’t even have that old cord you used to have to worry about running over and cutting in half whenever the blade was turning.

Like heaven has finally come down to help the homeowner who wants to cut his or her own lawn.

Now, if only we could get the commercial grass cutters, including those who work out of their trunk, to switch over, gas to electric, what a delightful world this would be, or at least more delightful than it already is.

Last but not least, I have a theory as to why it so often takes 15 minutes to simply blow clean a driveway, even when there’s not a sidewalk in front. Just the driveway and the small sidewalk leading up to the front door.

As a rational person (let’s just pretend), I know they’re not there for so long in an attempt to drive me more crazy than I already am. It’s not like they’re thinking, hey, let’s drive Wendorf crazy.

So I started thinking, and I came up with my own idea.

I think, and again, that might be a problem, but I think that when they use the machine, it must give off some hum or vibration that makes them relax and feel happy. They just mowed the lawn, time to relax with the hum of the blower. They’re wearing ear plugs besides, while the rest of us inside a building, through which the sound penetrates (low frequency), are not.

No other explanation.

Noise pollution is a big thing for a lot of people. Lawnmowers operate at a higher frequency than the leaf blower, which is why they’re not as annoying to our ears, but if there is one machine that will ruin your time spent near it, including inside your own home or office, it will be the gas-powered leaf blower.

Bring back the rake and the broom, if nothing else.

A quieter time period to be sure.