DHS hires only the best of the best?

ICE (U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement) is still in the process of hiring new recruits, new field agents who are willing and able to go out and arrest serious criminals like roofers, motel maids, short-order cooks, lawn maintenance workers, nonprofit volunteers, and most other blue-collar workers, in no particular order.

Even if someone came here at the age of 5 with their parents, they are still a target.

Meanwhile, the federal ICE job includes 11 paid holidays per year.

For an online application to begin the process of getting hired, simply visit www.ice.gov/join.

The requirements for job consideration are not easy, but doable for those patriots with drive, determination, and grit.

Recently revamped to make the ICE applicant pool larger, the vetting process more demanding, the new hiring app includes these questions:

# With regard to prior criminality, have you ever been charged with a crime?

A) Do I need to count the $10,000 I owe in past-due child support?

B) Not since I was 13 years old, but those records should be sealed.

C) In the U.S. or Mexico?

D) I got my record expunged, so, no.

# Are you able to do five situps within a 10-minute time frame?

A) Can I rest between each one?

B) Do I need to touch my knees with my elbows?

C) Can I split them – three, then two after a break?

D) What if my back is acting up again?

# Can you run one mile in 30 minutes?

A) No one told me this was going to be so tough.

B) Can I use the skateboard my brother stole?

C) What if my knees are bad? D) That’s an impossible pace.

# Have you ever done any recreational drugs?

A) Not since this morning. B) Can you repeat the question?

C) Is this polygraph 100 percent accurate?

D) They told me it was snuff.

# What is the difference between “its” and “it’s”?

A) One has an apostrophe?

B) They both sound the same.

C) Its coming too me.

D) English was way back in high school.

# Why do you want to work for ICE?

A) 11 federal holidays.

B) I can carry a gun.

C) I’ll get to wear a badge.

D) I don’t like foreigners.

Final note: Obviously, this is satire and doesn’t discount the fact that ICE does indeed have some solid people working for it. And, too, ICE, created in 2003, is deporting some dangerous convicted felons who should have been deported long ago. Given last week’s ICE-related shooting, however, it does seem that something is clearly out of whack.

During the eight years that Obama was president, approximately 3 million undocumented immigrants were deported, leaving some of his critics to label him the “Deporter in Chief.”

The Obama administration’s enforcement strategy shifted over time, especially in the second term, to prioritize the deportation of individuals with serious criminal convictions and those considered national security threats, though many without serious criminal records were also deported, as is the case today.

The difference between Obama and Trump, though, with regard to ICE, is that during the former’s eight years in office, there is not one recorded instance of ICE shooting a civilian or an undocumented immigrant. (This doesn’t include Border Patrol.)

Conversely, an investigation published by The Wall Street Journal last Saturday identified 13 instances of immigration agents firing at or into civilian vehicles since July (2025), leaving at least eight people shot, with two confirmed dead—including the killing of Renee Nicole Good last Wednesday.

The Wall Street Journal found that at least five of those shot were U.S. citizens.