Driven crazy: Those distracted on road pose imminent danger
Here’s a simple fact of life I’ve learned over the years — if I keep getting annoyed at annoying people, I’m going to die an early death, because they’re all around me.
Granted, I can be annoying too, and I should fit right in with the crowd, but somehow that just doesn’t seem to work. I still notice them. For all I know, they’re noticing me too, pointing out, look at that moron.
If I keep letting them annoy me, one day I’ll get too upset, my face beet red, and that chest pain will strike and put me in the cardiac ICU where some nurse will put in the wrong IV, flush with the wrong meds, and finish me off for good.
“I made a mistake. Sorry.”
Morning Crazies
By the time I’ve rolled out of bed and gotten on the road, I’ve already been confronted by about six crazy drivers within the first three miles from home. Sometimes, I’m not even out of our own neighborhood. Half are texting; half are applying mascara; the guys are tweaking nose hairs.
Look, there goes another one. I’m going 45, and he/she pulls right out in front of me, and it’s clear from the blank expression on their face, as I honk, that their brain is still at home asleep, resting comfortably on the pillow. But their hollow-headed, brainless bodies are out driving around, like zombies behind the wheel, plowing into this person or that person.
Before I can get through swearing at the last driver, another one will cut in front of my bumper with only two inches to spare as I approach the next intersection, and then they’ll slow down like they have all the time in the world. There’s no one behind me. They could have waited to pull out until after I had passed, but no, they’re not that observant.
Besides, they have that court appointment to get to for that whole annoying business about their third DWI, so getting to the courthouse on time is a must.
I’m convinced that this sort of driver I see on the road must has some ambulance- chasing relative who’s in need of some new plaintiff cases, because he’s got a boat payment due next month and two girlfriends on the side. How else could one possibly explain so many people pulling out in front of other drivers? Some of it has to be by design.
Look, there goes another driver, a female this time driving a big Lexus, eating a donut and applying mascara while texting on the phone. All at the same time. I see a lot of that.
Multitasking gone wrong.
I’m convinced that a lot of these terrible drivers I see all around me, many of them, must be bird-dogging legal work for a relative. No other way to explain it.
“Hey, same to you, pal.” When I taught our son to drive, a manual transmission, no less, I warned him about never getting into a road-rage dispute with anyone because, well, you never know if the other driver may have an anti-social personality disorder and just got released from Huntsville state prison last week after doing a 20-year stint for manslaughter.
“Never make eye contact with him, or her,” I said. “And never throw a hand gesture their way.”
I should follow my own advice.