I’m too old to get into a physical altercation. Why I carry a gun. Shoot them before they land the first blow if someone is really coming at me. Don’t kill them. Just shoot ‘em in the crotch so they’ll wish they were dead by the time they get out of the hospital. At first, their wife would be understanding. “Honey, shared intimacy isn’t everything. I love you for your mind, your wit, your charm. No matter if you can no longer, you know, I’ll still love you and stay by your side forever.” Sure. That’ll probably last six months, then the ...