Kinky Friedman’s wacky world

Editor’s note: As the Texas state legislature takes a break for a year (please, dear God), it’s time to read what my favorite gubernatorial candidate of all time, Kinky Friedman, has to say about politics and life in general. Friedman ran for Texas governor in 2006 and came in fourth in a six-candidate race.

>“We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.”

>“A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.”

>“How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?”

>“I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.”

>“I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.”

>“I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.”

>“I'm too young for Medicare, and too old for women to care.”

>“If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.”

>“Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.”

>“Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.”

>“Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.”

>“The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.”

>“The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.”

>“The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.”

>“Texas is first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.”

>“Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.”

>“When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed tele phone number.” >“Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus

>“Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.”

>“You struggle with your demons, and you conquer them.”