Need a joke for the day?

• What do you get when cross a godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can’t understand

• Light travels faster than sound.

This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

• Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?

Both crews were marooned.

• Did you hear about the new “Divorce Barbie?”

It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.

• “Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!”

“Sit down and I’ll deal with you later.”

• Why did Santa’s little helper feel depressed?

He had low elf-esteem.

• Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?

Because of his coffin.

• What was the witches’ favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

• Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

He didn’t have the guts.

• Guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck.

Bartender says, “All right, I’ll let ya stay — but don’t start nuthin.”

• When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did — in his sleep.

Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

• Did you hear about the dyslexic lawyer?

He studied all year for the bra exam.

• What has orange hair, big feet, and comes out of a test tube?

Bozo the clone.