Heat index — 115 degrees?

Another week in South Texas, another week to crank up theAC or find a walk-in freezer.

The problem really isn’t the temperature forecast all week — low- to mid-90s — but the forecast humidity — 74 percent at 3 p.m., predicted for Wednesday, May 21 — which will make the air feel like it’s 105 degrees when the mercury is only pegged at 89 degrees.

Need to take a shower?

Just walk outside.

These conditions are why the National Weather Service out of Brownsville issued a Special Weather Statement Tuesday for all the RGV, which included this warning — “Heat index values between 105 and 110 degrees expected this afternoon.”

As if that’s not hot enough, the warning included this caveat: “A few locations, especially along the Rio Grande in Starr and Hidalgo counties, may briefly experience Heat Index values up to 112 degrees mid-afternoon.”

There’s another warning that popped up for the same area, which mentioned a possible heat index of 115.

Over in the Sahara Desert, say, a city like Ghat in Libya, the conditions this week are much more pleasant — a high temp of 105, but with an average humidity of only 13 percent, which doesn’t really make the heat index a factor.

If you’re looking for the hottest temp ever recorded on the planet, the aptly named city in California’s Death Valley pops up, Furnace Creek. There, in 1913, the mercury hit 134 degrees (56.7 degrees Celsius).

No doubt there was some local chamber rep around even then, saying, “Yeah, but the humidity is low.”

People used to tell me that about Las Vegas — Sure, it’s really hot, but the humidity is low.

Then, the first time I went there, I thought, hey, if it’s 106 degrees, I don’t care how low the humidity is, 106 is still insane.

The AI Poem

All you can say is, it’s dang hot.

Fortunately for AI, it can’t feel the heat, but it can still spit out a poem about it, if asked.

Not great perhaps, but it’s still working on its poetry skills. When challenged to write a short rhyming ditty that explains how a person can tolerate extreme heat, like a heat index of 115, here’s what it came up with:

When the heat index hits one-one-five,
And you feel like you're barely alive,
The first trick, my friend, is don't you dare roam,
Just hug your A.C. and make it your home!

If out you must venture, for work or for bread,
Wear clothes like a ghost, white and loose on your head!
(And body, of course, don't be daft, if you please,
Unless you enjoy public displays of your knees!)

Drink water like fish, till you slosh and you burp,
Avoid spicy tacos, or else you'll usurp
Your own inner coolness, with flames from within,
Stick to ice cream, my friend, that's a guaranteed win!

Move slower than snails on a cold winter's morn,
Pretend you're a sloth that's just recently born.
Embrace the faint sweat, it's your body's own dew,
And remember, this swelter won't last, it is true! (We hope.)

So crank up the fans, find the shade, stay real chill,
And that's how you conquer that hot, fiery hill!
Just don't try to fry eggs on the walk,
'less you're keen To prove that your sanity's... well, not too serene!

Final Note: Okay, AI’s ability to crank out a rhyming ditty is still a work in progress. Probably because it’s busy working on other endeavors, like how to take over the world.