Hold the phone: Xmas caller has problems
It’s Monday, 8 a.m., and I’m sitting at my desk with the microphone, wondering what to say, as my Christmas podcast goes live.
First question of the day to the podcast listeners: What is your favorite Christmas memory?
Wait, here comes someone from the Valley phoning in:
“I don’t know about any happy Christmas memory, but I have enough bad ones I can tell you about. Like the DWI I got two Christmases ago, and my old lady wouldn’t bail me out. Told me to call my girlfriend instead. But we’d already broken up by then, and the second girlfriend was in jail too, so she didn’t have any money.”
Uh, no, we’re talking about the real Christmas, the most wonderful time for kids, or at least the fortunate few in the world who grow up with at least the bare necessities of life, much less born into a family with money to buy presents.
For the ones who don’t grow up in poverty, they can remember the fun presents, family Christmases spent together.
“Like the one when my two uncles got into a fight after drinking a case of beer Christmas morning, and the sheriff deputies had to come out, and that’s when they found the meth? By accident. Lawyer says the bust weren’t legal and the pinché DA ain’t got no case.”
Not exactly. We’re talking about the fun holidays when everyone gets together. Christmas cheer. That sort of thing.
“Like when my grandma got released from prison on Christmas Eve? She was framed. The whole family was there to greet her. First thing she wanted was to smoke a joint, but we had to keep reminding her, ‘Grandma, you have your first drug test next week.’ Asked for a bottle of Jim Beam instead.”
Yeah, there you go. Something happy. Was your gram able to turn her life around?
“Sure, but then a week after she got paroled, she got into a fight with her sister over the same guy…worthless… can’t remember his name.”
Forget about your grandma for a minute.
“Sure, but she ain’t doing too well back in the joint after she got convicted of assault for going after her sister. Now she’s got cirrhosis, or whatever that thing is you get when you drink too much. I blame my uncles. Don’t think she’s gonna live much longer.”
Okay, great, our best to your grandma and family as a whole. Still, for a whole lot of people out there, Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. They get to enjoy the wonder of childhood. Then they become parents and get to see Christmas through the eyes of a child. The wonder. Christmas songs.
“I wonder when my grandma will get out of Huntsville this time? That’s what I wonder.”
Let’s take another podcast caller.
“No, wait, I haven’t told you about how the Cameron County sheriff busted the last cock fight outside Los Fresnos. My uncles was making some real money. That was before they got a piece of the Edcouch casino. Of course, they lost their money doing that, too, when the casinos got raided. Why is any of this stuff illegal? The state runs a lottery deal, which is nothing more than legalized gambling.”
Jokes aside, for the dispossessed, the hungry, those in prison, those with family in prison, those kids whose dad or mom just walked away, those with no presents under the tree, may life be a little kinder to you next Christmas.