A Best Friend: They are rare and hard to find

By Gregg Wendorf
Advance News Journal

If we’re lucky to have one best friend in our life, we are extremely lucky. I went to visit mine this weekend in a local hospice, and that only helps underscore how rare they are — a best friend.

Of course, that doesn’t count family or a spouse because they fall into a different category.

A True Best Friend

I’ve had several best friends over the course of my life, starting when I was young. But as we grow older, time and distance tend to separate most of us. Hard to hang out with a best friend who lives in Chicago or Florida. The old best friend in Chicago, who dated back to the 7th grade, died two years ago from esophageal cancer. The one who lives in Florida, I haven’t seen him in 40 years, but we still text. Still, time and distance … I said goodbye to my current best friend, who I’ve been hanging around with for the past 18-plus years, this Sunday, not knowing if I’d see him again.

While writing this column, I was thinking, what really constitutes a best friend, per se. So I looked up some definitions, and some define them pretty well.

Trust and Acceptance: A best friend is someone you trust implicitly, with your deepest secrets and vulnerabilities. They accept you for who you are, flaws and all, without judgment.

Unconditional Support: No matter what you’re going through, good or bad, a best friend is there to cheer you on and offer support. They celebrate your successes and pick you up when you fall.

Honesty and Communication: Honesty is key in any healthy relationship, and especially so with a best friend. You can be open and honest with them, knowing they’ll keep it to themself.

Mutual Understanding: A best friend often feels like they understand you on a profound level, even without you needing to say much. They can often anticipate your needs and share your joys and sorrows with genuine connection.

Shared Interests and Values: While not always necessary, shared interests and values can strengthen the bond between best friends. This could be anything from hobbies and passions to common life goals and perspectives.

Growth and Challenge: A true best friend encourages you to grow and be your best self, even if it means challenging you at times. They offer constructive criticism and celebrate your personal development.

Sense of Humor and Fun: Laughter is a powerful element in any relationship, and especially important with a best friend. They can make you laugh, even on the toughest days, and help you find joy in everyday moments.

Humor is Key

For me, the last one — Sense of Humor and Fun — is what best defines a best friend.

You can break each other’s b*lls and have fun doing it. In fact, it’s so much fun because you know you share a mutual love for one another. If you’re having a bad day, and don’t feel like calling family, your best friend is your go-to guy.

My best friend Robert (Roberto) was the guy I’d hang out with on the golf course. He didn’t play. Didn’t really have the money. But he loved the outdoors and enjoyed watching me shank the ball as he rode around with me on the golf cart. Every shot I hit into the water, he’d laugh and tell me I suck as a golfer, which only made me laugh.

Then we got into playing a weekly game of pool at Fast Eddy’s. Usually play a 2.5-hour match. One week he’d win, and the next, I’d win. It was probably the one thing in our life, outside of work and family, that we most valued. Plus, it cost a lot less than a round of golf. The time shared and a passion for the game. Three days before the match, we were already looking forward to it, calling each other, saying who was going to win.

Thing is, even when I lost, I was happy he won.

As we left, he’d often tell me, “You know, Gregory, it’s the little things in life that make life worth living.”

So true. When I was having a rough day, for whatever reason, he was there to cheer me up.

He never had a lot of money, but you’d never know it. He was the guy who would give a homeless guy the shirt off his back, only if he had one.

Robert was also an animal lover. He’d feed the birds every morning, feed stray dogs and cats, give food to the kids across the street whose mother had just taken off, leaving the dad to raise four kids on his own with little money.

In terms of faith, he was one of the most devout guys I ever knew without being preachy about it. But he walked the walk, even though profanity was our stock in trade, albeit we never used the GD word, when we were giving each other a hard time or working up a laugh. I’m going to miss him telling me, “You sorry mother…” I write about him in the past tense even though he’s still alive, but I know what’s coming, and it is indeed a heartbreaker.

In early January, we were already planning our next pool match. A week later, he told me his back was killing him. Then he told me the pain was hurting all over. In denial, I told myself that he had just lifted too much. This, too, would pass.

Three-and-a-half weeks later he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and it had metastasized. Hard to wrap my mind around that one. From being perfectly healthy to now lying in a hospice bed within the span of less than a month.

Good thing is, I always valued our friendship, knowing how lucky I was to have him as a friend. Kindred spirits, as it were.

Yep, going to miss him like a brother.

Now I look at old photos of him on my cell phone, short videos of pool games, listen to his voice mail — “You sorry mother… You don’t write, you don’t call. But you’re going to lose playing pool this week.”

What I’d give for only one more match.