Colonoscopy, endoscopy, the whole enchilada
“Hey, Wendorf, it’s almost the new year, can you write about something positive and uplifting this week to cheer us up?”
Sure. Be glad to. How about colon cancer and the stuff you have to drink before you get a colonoscopy? Let me run to the restroom first.
Seriously, if you’re at least 45, you should have your first one already scheduled. (Source: Mayo Clinic.) If you have incidents of colon cancer in your family, the age drops to 40, or 10 years before the age of the immediate family member who was diagnosed with colon cancer.
Disclaimer: I’m not a physician, so check with your family doc to discuss colon-cancer screenings and how they may relate to your current age and family medical history.
Back to this health column: This is some serious (delete). No joke. Like any column, however, my perverted humor occasionally pops out, no pun intended.
I’m 67, but look like 90. Can’t be helped. Hard living at a young age. Up until last week, however, I never had a colonoscopy, even though I knew I was being stupid. Caught early, colon cancer has a high rate of survivability. It’s a secret killer of sorts, though, because by the time the serious symptom show (rectal bleeding, etc.), it’s usually too late. Not always, but let’s just say your odds of living a long life if you follow recommended screenings for colon cancer are better than they are for those who remain stubborn like I once was.
My family couldn’t convince me, my family physician couldn’t convince me. Call me stubborn with a capital S.
What finally got my (delete) in gear, however, was the recent death of someone who was only four years older than me. I wonder if she ever had a colonoscopy, or at least an initial screening test, like the “fecal occult blood test,” which is supposedly good for at least a year? Her family never said.
Nevertheless, while doing my semi-annual blood-check deal with my primary physician, she handed me this test called the “fecal occult blood test.”
“At least do this,” she said. This time, no one had to convince me to get it done. Simple test you do at home, drop it back to the doc’s office, and they run it through the lab.
No, Satan didn’t develop the “fecal OCCULT blood test.” Actually, me, who should be well versed in the English language, had to look up the definition of “occult,” because I had no clue what “occult” meant.
Answer: “Hidden.” Meaning, the test shows blood in any stool specimen that is hidden from the naked eye.
No blood screaming, “Hey, there is some serious (delete) going on down here. You need to see your doctor. Hello!!!”
Like I said, by then, you’re hoping it’s not the Big C, and just some stupid hemorrhoid, but people can usually tell when they have one of those, I think. Ouch.
I’m also not talking about an occasional swipe of red blood, per se. But regular rectal bleeding, I’m guessing, well, by then, I’d be worried. Thankfully, it never came to that.
Anyway, to make a long column longer, I took my “fecal occult blood test” back to my doc’s office expecting to hear something back in a few weeks. By 4:30 the same day, the lab was calling me back with some happy news: “Your test came up positive for blood.”
Okay, where are the tranquilizers? Being a guy, though, I had to play it cool, like I wasn’t worried about anything. Preferred personal pronoun (he).
Bottom line, I mentioned a few other symptoms to my doc, and I was told I should also get an endoscopy the same day to make sure that my upper digestive tract was kosher.
Happy days. Everything turned out fine, gracias a Dios and a fine physician (Carlos Cardenas), and the nurses and staff at DHR Health Gastro and Day Surgery. I showed signs of mild acid reflux, but I got a prescription for that, and the other minor anomalies are apparently no big deal.
Don’t Wait
So my suggestion to everyone is check with your primary physician, discuss family history, decide what age you need to get your first colonoscopy or initial screening and don’t put it off.
There is no getting around the fact that the stuff you have to drink the night before the colonoscopy is a pain in the (delete), but what’s worse? That or colon cancer? Stomach cancer?
Also, the day before the procedure, you have to be on a clear liquid diet. Fortunately for me, black coffee and black unsweetened tea count as clear liquids, as does Gatorade. Along with water, I got through the day before the procedure.
I was either graced by God for being stupid (just speaking on a personal basis with lots of experience), or I got lucky, whatever luck is. I waited 22 years after the recommended age for initial colon-cancer screening, and I came out both ends with a clean bill of health.
My son is a gastroenterologist (with an MPH) who has been after me for years to get one done. In fact, call me morbid, but I used to joke with him how ironic it would be if his old man died of colon cancer, given the fact that he’s a GI.
Needless to say, I don’t think he found that one funny.
Anyway, after I got the all clear, he told me that he hadn’t wanted to worry me, but the last patient he “scoped” who had a positive “fecal occult blood test” did indeed have “frank cancer;” meaning, obvious signs of colorectal cancer seen not too long after he inserted the colonoscope.
How old was she? In her mid-50s. He thought she would end up making it, though, because, I forgot why. Early stages, I think.
Good news is, of those who take the “fecal occult blood test,” only approximately 7 percent show up positive. After looking up the odds online, I was so much happier. So I’m one of the 7 percent? The joy. Thankfully, the majority of the 7 percent show no signs of cancer when they get a colonoscopy, but indeed some obviously do. That’s still catching the disease early, though, relatively speaking, in most cases, so it can still save your (delete).
Anyway, point is, don’t put off getting screened for colon cancer. If your stools are sometimes dark and tar-like (sorry to get so gross, but this is about your health), mention that to your physician, and he or she will probably order an endoscopy to make sure there is no stomach bleeding, ulcers, etc. Nowadays, they should be able to do both procedures the same day.
I got some nice Christmas presents this year, but I think the nicest one of all was coming out of anesthesia, and a short time later, hearing Dr. Cardenas giving me, basically, a clean bill of health. You can’t get any merrier than that.
May you all have a happy new year. If you drink, don’t drive. It just ain’t worth it. Get arrested for DWI; kill someone while driving drunk? Call a cab instead. Even hiring a limo for an hour (with a two-hour minimum) will be cheaper than a DWI, and it might save a life – yours, or that of someone else.
To all of the people, advertisers, subscribers, readers, who supported The Advance this past year, thanks. You’re the best.