My problem with Bible thumpers

I’m not sure at what point in my life I started being suspicious of politicians – regular people, too -- who always pepper their speech with “Jesus” and “God,” and “God Bless,” and about how they’re God’s humble, moral, honest servant.

My birth as a cynic probably began in my mid-20s. But clearly, I started my cynical life at a relatively young age. Over the years, seeing so many crooks in the world pass by, my state of cynicism has only increased.

My motto has always been, if someone starts talking about Jesus all the time, I’m grabbing my wallet and making sure nobody swipes it. Because clearly, I’m about to be swindled. At least that’s been my experience in life.

There’s an old (English Writer Samuel Johnson) saying: “Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.”

Replace “patriotism” with “religion,” and you won’t be far off the mark either.

There are obvious exceptions to the rule. Preachers, priests, rabbis, their job descriptions include the often mention of God.

Or for the laity, if someone says “gracias a Dios” or “thank God,” then fine, provided there’s a legitimate reason for giving thanks (touchdowns don’t count). But when someone always goes around talking about Jesus, and God and church, well, let’s just say my antenna’s up.

I didn’t follow my own advice about 16 years ago. This woman who worked for us was just too convincing with regard to her piety and holy-roller status, always talking about Jesus.

Had a Bible and little post-it notes with biblical verses on or near her desk, on the board near her desk, was always praising Jesus and listening to Christian music in the office. Took us for a lot in the end. Turned out to be a cheat and a liar and a thief, and I thought later, Wendorf, you idiot, you didn’t follow your own advice. If someone’s always peppering their talk with Jesus this and Jesus that, reading scripture during their lunch break, run for the hills. Then another guy called me. She screwed him out of money too.

Oh, well. Live and learn.

Bible-Thumper Quacks

Having been raised a Protestant Christian, I’ve been inside enough churches to know that’s where so many scoundrels and un-Christian- like people (love one another) reside. Sad to say, but the truth. In fact, I’d wager a bet that some of the worst people in the world reside in houses of worship.

They use church like the Rotary Club so they can network, make business contacts, improve their standing in the community. Then they go out in the world and cheat their neighbor, while shagging his wife.

Today, of course, with equality being the norm, more married women are cheating so they can try and match the men. Not sure the reason. They often meet in church choir.

“Choir ran late again tonight, honey. Sorry I’m late.”

Sure thing. I’m wondering how many people don’t even know that their spouse has put a tracker on their phone.

“You weren’t at choir practice. You were at the (pick a hotel; and not the Donna lakeshore).”

“Was not.” “Were.” And so it goes. Over the years, I’ve seen pastors do the most un-Christian-like thing, their wives too. I’ve seen deacons who were first-class liars and deceivers and cheats. Seen it all.

Which isn’t to say that Christendom doesn’t also include wonderful people. It’s just that they’re not going around talking about it. They’re practicing what they preach instead of preaching about it.

Why do so many scoundrels reside within a house of worship? Who knows. I think part of it has to do with using church, using religion as a mask to hide the true crooked self from people. If you’re religious, you must be good. That sort of thing.

“He paid for the entire pageant? What a god-like man. Bless him.”

Meanwhile,he’soutonthetown with Betty Bop, his new secretary.