• What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests! • Why did Dracula's mother give him cough medicine? Because he was having a coffin fit. • What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish brain in the body of his dog? I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines. • Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? 'Cos everyone was a goblin. • Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn? It was a stake sandwich. • Dracula decided he needed a dog, which breed did he choose? A bloodhound. • ...