I was standing in the backyard waiting for the dog to do his business, which was taking longer than I preferred because he was first taking the time to sniff every blade of grass before he got down to business, pardon the pun. Oh, look, there’s some bird poop over there. Might as well take a quick whiff of that too while I’m at it. Why? “Because I can see it drives you crazy -- you’re an impatient guy -- and I like that.” Worthless mutt. To refrain from giving him any more satisfaction, watching me grow even more impatient, I turned my head ...