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Top 10 no-no’s for candidates

Observations Commentary Some local elections next month, some big Hidalgo County primaries next March where big money is already flowing freely into campaign war chests from vendors, attorneys, and would-be developers, and frankly I’m worried – how many politiqueras (paid vote-getters) are going to get busted this go-around? It can, after all, adversely affect the economy. Politiqueras buy Caddies. Preferably white in color with some pink fluff stuff around the dash. So what happens if those Caddies aren’t sold? It’s a trickle-down economy, after all. Less Caddies sold, less people working at Caddie dealerships, fewer people going out to lunch, buying new clothes, you get the picture. It’s not just Caddies that are at stake either. Some smart politiqueras have even moved into the top-line SUVs. When you don’t pay taxes on cash receipts (what is a 1099?), so much the better. You can afford the high-end items, no? Question: Can the Valley stand any more alleged voter-fraud bad press? Five years ago, for example, when three politiqueras from the mid-Valley area pleaded guilty to one count of vote-buying, online pundits described it as the “dope-the-vote ring” because it partially involved exchanging drugs for votes, AKA, one vote; two snorts. Approximately five years ago, a campaign manager working that same local election was charged and convicted of exchanging cocaine and/or cash for votes. “Do you want the crack (cocaine) or the dinero? One vote. Take your pick.” “A six pack of Bud Light instead?” “Crack or dinero. All I got. The pinche beer’s all gone.” So, how to avoid this from happening again (politiquera arrests)? Well, if you’re a candidate this election cycle, may I suggest my top 10 picks for keeping the FBI and the Texas Rangers off your back, and the Caddie lovers off your radar and out of your campaign war chest: 1) Don’t hire politiqueras. Tell them to go and look for honest work, preferably not with your political opponent, although that’s usually how this scenario ends. 2) Hire temp workers instead from a reputable temp company and never deal in cash. 3) If you do hire a politiquera, put a tail on them by a reputable PI to make sure they’re not handing out drugs to would-be voters. 4) Stick to the nursing homes. Taking some patient with dementia to the polls, going into the voting booth with them to vote, won’t get you into any trouble with the FBI as will handing out dollars for votes. Much ...

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